The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
