I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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