His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize