he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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