so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
