wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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