Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
