Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They took my balls.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
