I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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