ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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