i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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