If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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