He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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