Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
