I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
