Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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