thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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