just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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