My room smells like vodka and shame
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
