Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
