And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
