just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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