his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
