I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
