No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
