i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
