your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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