So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
