i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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