but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
