If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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