I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
