Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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