We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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