it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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