the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
