So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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