Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
