it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
