I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
