I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
