I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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