I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
