So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
