The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
