dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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