And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
