Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
