Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
