You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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