Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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