Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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