I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
