that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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