dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
