You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
