U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
