how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
