i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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