I wish i was in the wii world.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
