I could make wine with my vomit
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
