He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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