Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
