I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
