Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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