I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
