I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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