First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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