You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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