What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.