hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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