well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.