Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights