Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
