just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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