I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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