He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."