Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
