Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."

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  (403): The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention." http://tfl.nu/toh6
  Replies (15) Good night (2478) Bad night (671)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

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  (414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0
  Replies (19) Good night (921) Bad night (4625)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I just did the classiest thing ever.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  last time you said that you got chlamydia.

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  (440): I just did the classiest thing ever. (216): last time you said that you got chlamydia. http://tfl.nu/33ag
  Replies (19) Good night (1538) Bad night (6482)
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  (619): View more from California

  i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die

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  (619): i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die http://tfl.nu/4ks9
  Replies (18) Good night (1223) Bad night (4916)
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  (415): View more from California

  i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth

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  (415): i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth http://tfl.nu/t0qb
  Replies (5) Good night (1272) Bad night (3543)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.

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  (864): I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened. http://tfl.nu/5edl
  Replies (4) Good night (2599) Bad night (1124)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.

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  (503): He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis. http://tfl.nu/tjtk
  Replies (4) Good night (1245) Bad night (1869)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you

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  (315): I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you http://tfl.nu/9k47
  Replies (8) Good night (2309) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!

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  (587): Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?! http://tfl.nu/tyzg
  Replies (19) Good night (2230) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.

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  (210): Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it. http://tfl.nu/xm4g
  Replies (4) Good night (1621) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.

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  (214): How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk. http://tfl.nu/tw8m
  Replies (4) Good night (411) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.

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  (347): I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick. http://tfl.nu/dk06
  Replies (6) Good night (1156) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.

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  (260): Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given. http://tfl.nu/4cnf
  Replies (9) Good night (1887) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.

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  (516): You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off. http://tfl.nu/6qfp
  Replies (7) Good night (1649) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any

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  (307): Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any http://tfl.nu/i4l6
  Replies (3) Good night (325) Bad night (618)

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