This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
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the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
how drunk are you?