my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
