She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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