Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
