I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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