I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
