thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize