someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
