why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are the jesus of drinking
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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