Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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